i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
