Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
