Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
