you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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