I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This can only be settled by a dance off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
