it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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