Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The best revenge is premature balding
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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