is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
