Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Randomize
