You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
