I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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