Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
