Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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