This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
