i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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