dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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