wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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