Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
