It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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