ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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