I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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