glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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