maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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