remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
