a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
