Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
