I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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