cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
