I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
