I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
