The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
