If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
