you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
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