You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
