I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
