meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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