If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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