I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize