By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
