I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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