Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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