I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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