he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
