thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
