I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
did you just send me my own nude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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