On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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