Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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