i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
