I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
