Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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