Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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