I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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