i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
