I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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