i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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