This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
