Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
