Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
