we made out on top of his cat.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's shark week go big or go home
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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