Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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